Faint

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact
That everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it’s like no matter what I do, I can’t convince you
To just believe this is real
So, I let go, watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here ’cause you’re all that I’ve got

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored

I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
‘Cause you don’t understand I do what I can
But sometimes I don’t make sense
I am, what you never want to say, but I’ve never had a doubt
It’s like no matter what I do, I can’t convince you for once just to hear me out
So, I let go, watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here ’cause you’re all that I’ve got

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored

You hear me out now
You’re gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now, hear me out now
You’re gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now

I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored

New Divide

I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

There was nothing in sight
But memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Across this new divide

In every loss, in every lie
In every truth that you’d deny
And each regret and each goodbye
Was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

Festering in the Crypt

Eyes tied tight forever
Mouth wired shut forever
Body parts dissever, you will see no more
Never…

Lowerd into the ground
You will never hear another sound
In your coffin you are bound, underground
Forever…

To the earth you’re now enslaved
To the creatures long depraved
Flesh has now turned to grey
As the larve gnaw away

As you rot in your smallish tomb
Insects care not how you met your doom
In your casket eternally lie
Many were pleased to see you die

Flesh melts off of your frame
Infamous was your name
Years passed since you moved on
Nothing left buy carrion

Festering in the crypt…

Death Walking Terror

I am the black thoughts of the night
Deep in the darkness of your mind
Shrouded in shadow, the mental torture
In the realm of death walking terror

Stalking the closest to the edge
Imposition of depravity
Sanity holding by a thread
Desperation draws them close to me

Always unseen but never far behind
Fleeting darkness tricks your eyes
Paranoia, a creeping horror
Guided by the death walking terror

Your hand reaches for the knife
Subconscious molding insidious
It was always in your mind
Release the pain, a psychotic rush

I am the blood you seek to spill
I am your inner drive to kill
Dark inspiration, a moral failure
Created by the death walking terror

Your hands have done my bidding well
Your hideous dreams now reality
Manipulation done with stealth
I was with you, I heard the screams

The weakest ones will fall
My murderous influence appeals to their fear
My will is just too strong
The decision was mine but they’ll never know

I walk behind you while you kill
Usurping your mind, you are oblivious
You’ll never know your spirit fell
Supplanted by this deep disgust

Death walking terror
Slow mental torture
Death walking terror
Psychic tormentor

Cauldron of Hate

My deep aversions building for years
Smoldering contempt internally burns
Dark introspection, memories of scorn
Every slight an element of my simmering mind

Conflicting modules dictate my course
Feed me violence and my hatred will gorge
Resolve is growing, it must be done
And to this fury I’ll be forced to succumb

Rage, this notion of murder is no longer vague
Seethe, your life I abominate
Rage, boiling deep within my head
Seethe, my mind is a cauldron of hate

Congealed revulsion, benign façade
Roiling dreams of murder coursing through my skull
Savage visions, nearing the brim
How long can contain this murderous rage

The mental picture becoming clear
Execration too extreme to bear
An execution, my plan of action
Advent of the day of blood no longer imagination

Scream, the horrors of vengeance unleashed on you now
Bleed, your body will suffer my pain
Scream, your body will writhe as my mind long has
Bleed, my mind is a cauldron of hate

Ed Gein

Bateman: There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

***

Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don’t know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

***

McDermott: If they have a good personality and they’re not great looking… then who fucking cares?
Bateman: Well, let’s just say hypothetically, OK? What if they have a good personality? I know, I know. There are no girls with good personalities.
Van Patten: A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who will essentially keep her dumb fucking mouth shut.
McDermott: The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks.
Van Patten: Absolutely.
McDermott: And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unattractive they are.
Bateman: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
Van Patten: Ed Gein? Maitre d’ at Canal Bar?
Bateman: No, serial killer, Wisconsin, in the 50s.
McDermott: And what did Ed say?
Bateman: He said: “When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her, be real nice and sweet and treat her right.”
McDermott: And what did the other part of him think?
Bateman: What her head would look like on a stick.

***

Bateman: Howard! It’s Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You’re my lawyer so I think you should know I’ve killed a lot of people. Some escort girls in an apartment uptown… uh… some homeless people maybe five or ten. Uh… an NYU girl I met in Central Park, I left her at a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun and… some man, some old faggot with a dog. Last week I killed another girl… with a chainsaw… I had to. She almost got away. And… someone else there I can’t remember, maybe a model, but she’s dead, too. And, uh- PAUL ALLEN! I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face! His body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell’s Kitchen! I don’t want to leave anything out here — I guess I’ve killed maybe… 20 people… maybe 40! Uh, I have uh… tapes of a lot of it. Some of the girls have seen the tapes — I even, um… I ate some of their brains and I tried to cook a little. Tonight, I uh, just had to kill a lot of people! And I’m not sure I’m gonna get away with it… this time. So, uh… I mean… I guess I’m a pretty, sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Harry’s Bar. So, you know, keep your eyes open. Okay.

***

Bateman: There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant… nothing.

American Psycho (2000)

Youngblood

She’s a loner, not a stoner
Bleeding heart and the soul of Miss Teresa
Supernova, Cherry Cola
She’s the cedar in the trees of Minnesota

I’m a rough boy ’round the edges
Getting drunk, and falling in the hedges
She’s my weakness, fucking genius
Swear to god and I’m not even superstitious

Youngblood, youngblood
She’s my little youngblood
Youngblood, youngblood
Punch-drunken youngblood

Are you stranded, like I’m stranded?
Do you want to watch the world fall to pieces?
Are you broken, like I’m broken?
Are you restless? She said “Fuck you, I’m from Oakland!”

Castle of Glass

Take me down to the river bend
Take me down to the fighting end
Wash the poison from off my skin
Show me how to be whole again

Fly me up on a silver wing
Past the black where the sirens sing
Warm me up in a nova’s glow
And drop me down to the dream below

Bring me home in a blinding dream
Through the secrets that I have seen
Wash the sorrow from off my skin
And show me how to be whole again

Waiting for the End

This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
And though the words sound steady, something empty’s within ’em

We say yeah! With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
‘Cause we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we get, forget it, let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on

And I don’t even know what kind of things I’ve said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got
I’m Holding on to what I haven’t got
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Liebe ist für alle da

Warmes Wasser
Schöne Leiber
Wie sie glänzen
In der Sonne
Ich schleich mich an
Und rede fein
Wer ficken will
Muss freundlich sein

Liebe ist für alle da
Liebe ist für alle da
Liebe ist für alle da

Ich mach die Augen zu
Dann seh ich sie
Ich sperr sie ein in meine Fantasie
Ich mach die Augen zu
Sie wehrt sich nicht
Liebe ist für alle da, nicht für mich

Warmes Wasser
Schöne Leiber
Nicht für mich
Es läuft davon
Feinste Formen
Gut gebaut
Voller Mund
So braune Haut

Liebe ist für alle da
Liebe ist für alle da
Liebe ist für alle da
Nicht für mich