Lester: It’s a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you’ve forgotten about.
***
Brad: [Reading Lester’s job description] “My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men’s room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell.” Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself.
Lester: Brad, for 14 years I’ve been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.
Brad: Whatever. Management wants you gone by the end of the day.
Lester: Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me? Considering the information I have about our Editorial Director buying pussy with company money, which I think would interest the I.R.S., since it technically constitutes fraud, and I’m sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to know about it as well. Not to mention, Craig’s wife!
Brad: What do you want?
Lester: One year’s salary, with benefits.
Brad: That’s not going to happen.
Lester: Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?
Brad: Against who?
Lester: Against YOU. Can you prove that you didn’t offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
Brad: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester: Nope. I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
***
Carolyn: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don’t you tell our daughter about it, honey?
Lester: Janie, today I quit my job, and then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars.
Carolyn: Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of.
Lester: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink.
Carolyn: How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you lose your job.
Lester: I didn’t lose it. It’s not like, “Whoops! Where’d my job go?” I quit!
***
Angela: I hope you don’t mind if I play the stereo.
Lester: Not at all. Bad night?
Angela: Not really bad, just… strange.
Lester: Believe me, it couldn’t possibly be any stranger than mine.
Angela: Jane and I had a fight. It was about you. She’s mad at me because I said I think you’re sexy.
Lester: Do you want a sip?
Angela: Sure.
Lester: So, are you gonna tell me? What do you want?
Angela: I don’t know.
Lester: You… don’t know.
Angela: What do you want?
Lester: Are you kidding? I want you. I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Angela: You don’t think I’m ordinary?
Lester: You couldn’t be ordinary if you tried.
Angela: Thank you. I don’t think there’s anything worse than being ordinary.
***
Lester: I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry. You will someday.
American Beauty (1999)
wasted 